male or female

[iwantit]

it would be nice to know which members are male or female,also if people put a profile on,and encourage people to reply even if its just a no.

[Chiefwhip54]

I've been looking at post advertising of partners or play fellows and some are difficult to tell the sex of the advertiser, if its not in the text or better still the title.

[Uncle David]

I've been looking at post advertising of partners or play fellows and some are difficult to tell the sex of the advertiser, if its not in the text or better still the title.

I entirely agree as, especially being a newcomer to the site, I too find it frustrating when it's either difficult or impossible to determine the gender and sexual orientation of a member.

Because applications for membership have to be authorised, I suggest that the administrator should refuse membership to anybody failing to make their gender obvious in their user name and or profile.

Uncle David

[anarchistic_masochist]

I entirely agree as, especially being a newcomer to the site, I too find it frustrating when it's either difficult or impossible to determine the gender and sexual orientation of a member.

Because applications for membership have to be authorised, I suggest that the administrator should refuse membership to anybody failing to make their gender obvious in their user name and or profile.

Uncle David

Yes! I quite agree! I've made my gender obvious on my profile. Nothing against TVs (I know this comment is going to be controversial) but there are some who try to pass themselves off as women. It may be fair to say, if the gender is not obvious, the chances are, the individual may be a TV trying to pull the wool over your eyes. (Or like me when I first joined, I was still trying to get the hang of the mechanics of the forum!) Don't get me wrong, there are honest ones as well, and that's fine, but people pretending to be something they're not really gets on my wick, be it online or real life.

There are times when gender ambiguity is a good thing - chatrooms for one thing. I will deliberately pick a gender-neutral name and will let people believe that I'm male, until I'm asked outright. Normally, they will just assume and I'll let them carry on assuming. Then when they do find out, it's a real shock! They talk to you like you're a human being then, instead of some disposable sex object. As soon as a lot of them find out you're female...Jesus H Christ...it's the cyber equivalent of a sex-starved dog trying to shag your leg. Or you're being harrassed to post pictures of yourself or you get idiots making sexually explicit remarks....but I digress. But on a site like this, your gender needs to be known! Saying that, my nick, anarchistic masochist hardly gives the game away, but "Cherry" will give you a good idea whether I'm XX or XY! Iwas initially going to call myself "Scarlet" but Covspank said it made me sound promiscuous. (Ever heard the term "scarlet woman"?) It's too "Dom-y" anyway - and it sounds like a name that a transvestite or drag queen would use!

People's choice of nick can (but not always) be a good indication of one's gender, so all you Tops out there who are hunting subbie females, please take note - beware of overly feminine names, such as "Loretta" or something like that. If it sounds like the name of Lilly Savage's twin sister, and the gender has not been made apparant in their profile, chances are they're one of the more unscrupulous TVs. On the other hand, the name "lilbunny" (a real woman on this site) - it was obvious to me that she is, indeed, female. The very name screams girly submission. Her posts are also indicative of a feminine sensibility, and she doesn't go tarting around after every male Dom either. Lilbunny - you rock!!! :D

Please note that all this is not always the case - there are exceptions and one always has to be careful of making sweeping generalisations. Everyone is different after all.

Happy hunting!

Cherry x

[jennyTv]

Nothing against TVs (I know this comment is going to be controversial) but there are some who try to pass themselves off as women.



probly just me being stupid but I thought thats what all TVs do ..

[anarchistic_masochist]

probly just me being stupid but I thought thats what all TVs do ..

I mean, online! Some are dishonest and try to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically female. If you are TV and you advertise yourself as one, that's fine. When you try to make yourself out as a "real" female, then that's wrong in my opinion. False advertising! It's like me saying I'm a size 8 when I'm a size 18! If you're into petite females, then you're gonna be dissapointed ain't you? x

Cherry x

[Uncle David]

As usual, you aren't afraid to state the truth and apply common-sense to a subject Cherry.

Uncle David :)

[jennyTv]

I mean, online! Some are dishonest and try to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically female. If you are TV and you advertise yourself as one, that's fine. When you try to make yourself out as a "real" female, then that's wrong in my opinion. False advertising! It's like me saying I'm a size 8 when I'm a size 18! If you're into petite females, then you're gonna be dissapointed ain't you? x

Cherry x
"I will deliberately pick a gender-neutral name and will let people believe that I'm male"


that's OK if you do it tho !

I found a biological female who is dishonest and try's to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically male. Not come across any TVs trying to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically female.

Unlike you I don't make sweeping generalisations... otherwise I probly would have started with something like .. I got nothing against biological females.... but

[Uncle David]

I found a biological female who is dishonest and try's to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically male. Not come across any TVs trying to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically female.

Unlike you I don't make sweeping generalisations... otherwise I probly would have started with something like .. I got nothing against biological females.... but

It's a graet shame that everybody isn't up-front about their sex and sexual orientation. I can see no point whatsoever in anybody, male or female. wanting to be ambiguous.

I unwittingly got into correspondence with a TV who actually had the gall to try to persuade me that it didn't matter as once he was over my knee I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

I fully respect that there are quite a few TV's here and that some of you may be desperate to find spanking partners but let's all be honest.

Uncle David

[jennyTv]

It's a graet shame that everybody isn't up-front about their sex and sexual orientation. I can see no point whatsoever in anybody, male or female. wanting to be ambiguous.

I unwittingly got into correspondence with a TV who actually had the gall to try to persuade me that it didn't matter as once he was over my knee I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

I fully respect that there are quite a few TV's here and that some of you may be desperate to find spanking partners but let's all be honest.

Uncle David

I totally agree that everyone should be open about their gender and sexuality, if you really want to meet then it makes no sense to do otherwise.

Sadly most on sites such as this are fantasists who will never meet so I guess it makes no difference to them.

However what galled me is the implication that a majority of TVs are disingenuous and the general tone of both yours and "cherrys" posts
If you have a distaste for those who are unlike you why do you need to voice that here.

Tolerance is a thing expected by all given by few.

"Desparate" ?

[Uncle David]

However what galled me is the implication that a majority of TVs are disingenuous and the general tone of both yours and "cherrys" posts
If you have a distaste for those who are unlike you why do you need to voice that here.

Tolerance is a thing expected by all given by few.

"Desparate" ?

A clear case of over-reaction on your part jennyTV. Neither Cherry or myself suggested a majority of the TV's on this site are being misleading.

My distaste is for those who mislead others and, if you believe I shouldn't debate that here, where would you have me debate the subject - on a gardening forum?

"Cherry's"

Uncle David

[anarchistic_masochist]

"I will deliberately pick a gender-neutral name and will let people believe that I'm male"


that's OK if you do it tho !

I found a biological female who is dishonest and try's to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically male. Not come across any TVs trying to make out, or give a strong impression that, they're biologically female.

Unlike you I don't make sweeping generalisations... otherwise I probly would have started with something like .. I got nothing against biological females.... but

How am I making out that I'm male? Can't a female be an anarchistic masochist? From that quote above, the context was on other (non-spanking) chat-rooms. Even on this forum, people will know my mind first and my gender second. It helps to circumvent being viewed as a sex object. Besides, I sign my posts "Cherry" - a pretty girly name! My profile also details my gender, so if prospective spankers don't bother to even check out my profile, more fool them! It's a common complaint on many sites of hapless male Tops who go to meet a female spankee, only to find that the 'she' is a 'he.' And I did make it clear that I was speaking very generally. I was not bashing out a hate-speech lambasting every TV that has ever walked the earth. I was merely expressing my displeasure of a small minority of morons that end up wasting people's time by their delusional dishonesty. Then real female subs end up getting pestered by paranoid male Tops, insisting on their phone numbers, so they can fully ascertain their prospective spankee's gender! I speak from experience!!!

Your turn...

Cherry

[anarchistic_masochist]

As usual, you aren't afraid to state the truth and apply common-sense to a subject Cherry.

Uncle David :)

Aw! Ta, Uncle. It makes a change for someone to praise me for opening my big gob, instead of physically chastising me for it! It does get me into trouble! *chuckles*

Cherry x

[anarchistic_masochist]

As far as I know, it doesn't have a root in any other language. It's use dates back to the early 18th century; I suspect that its origin is imitative- in other words it is imitating the sound of hand slapping bottom.

The Demon Headmaster

I beleive the term is onomatopoeia isn't it, Sir?

*Grins broadly*

Cherry x

[anarchistic_masochist]

It is- and you've spelt it correctly! Shame you couldn't manage "believe" though!
*Grimaces in despair*
TDH

Whoops. Sorry Sir. I always have trouble spelling that word, even though it conforms to the " 'i' before 'e,' except after 'c' rule. I should've nailed it by now...*sighs*

Cherry x

[jennysub]

As a moderator on another adult contact site the most frequent complaint we get concerns blokes masquerading as female. Even if declaration of gender was made a mandatory disclosure in profle registrations it would make little fifference as someone wanting to lie will lie.

We rarely, in fact to my knowledge never, ever had a complaint about a transvestite not declaring that they are just that.

It is a sad fact of life that the relative ease of access of internet sites and the relative anonimity offered makes it a highly attractive medium for the fakes and fantasists and even sites where some form of "verification" screening via photo or voice is offered they are still polluted by those determined enough to masquerade as the opposite gender.

[anarchistic_masochist]

As a moderator on another adult contact site the most frequent complaint we get concerns blokes masquerading as female. Even if declaration of gender was made a mandatory disclosure in profle registrations it would make little fifference as someone wanting to lie will lie.

We rarely, in fact to my knowledge never, ever had a complaint about a transvestite not declaring that they are just that.

It is a sad fact of life that the relative ease of access of internet sites and the relative anonimity offered makes it a highly attractive medium for the fakes and fantasists and even sites where some form of "verification" screening via photo or voice is offered they are still polluted by those determined enough to masquerade as the opposite gender.

A very eloquent post, Jenny! I wholeheartedly support your comments. :)

In conclusion then, the nature of the Internet requires us all to exercise caution and common sense. There are a lot of idiots who will lie and waste your time; there seems to be a problem with some individuals being dishonest regarding their gender, and the female subs, knowing full well how dangerous the net can be, will "hide" on forums, only coming out to play, so to speak, when a rapport has been established with a safe and sane individual.

Cherry x x

[jennysub]

Common sense regardless of circumstance. I have been in the BDSM community for 27 years, 21 as Domme, and seen just about every abuse of trust there can be,

There are fantasists on both sides as I hear regularly from my Dom friends, sadly the "brendaBigtists, 18, I'm a sub, tell me what you would like to do to me" more often transpires to be "SadFatBob, 55, "I'm a wanker, please send me more masturbation fodder", "

[Uncle David]

There are fantasists on both sides as I hear regularly from my Dom friends, sadly the "brendaBigtists, 18, I'm a sub, tell me what you would like to do to me" more often transpires to be "SadFatBob, 55, "I'm a wanker, please send me more masturbation fodder", "

Indeed, this is sometimes sadly the case. "Women" will write saying they are shy and yet immediately want to enter into great detail about how they want to be spanked.

Try to exchange any other information with them though in order to try to build some trust on both sides and the possibility is that they're never heard from again. Presumably, these shy "women" are either fakers or their shyness wouldn't prevent them from immediately meeting up with the first dom that comes along and let him spank her - very odd.

Uncle David

[jennysub]

The problem wth naming and shaming is it is so open to abuse. D talks to s, s decides D is not for them and says so, D gets all upset and calls s a timewaster etc, or petty feuds of the past emerge as slagging off contests in the name and shame section. The other thing is what constitutes timewasting? I myself have been accused of being a timewaster because I had the effrontery to exchange 4 or 5 messages with someone only to then decide they were not for me and said no thank you.

If it happens in the forum where I am a mod anyone criticizing another in a name/shame capacity has the post removed, second time has themselves removed and banned from the forum.

Naming and shaming has been tried about everywhere and has always fallen foul of just who says what or agreed what,

If anyone has reason to complain about another member then we encourage a report to admin, if a picture emerges, the claim is substantiated, then we just remove the persistent ofender from the site and block the ISP. However in my experience that has happened rarely.

[jennysub]

My favourite timewaster story:

I was due to meet a "tough 'ard Dom" about 18 months ago. I was sure he wouldn't turn up so as I was going to visit a friend at a hospital in hammersmith I aranged to meet him at Hammersmith tube,

10am, the appointed time, no show so I sent a text message then wandered off to have a coffee with my friend.

10.15am an incoming text: "My name's Mark, my friend Ray asked me to contact you, he has gone down with swine flu, been taken really ill, with him now in hospital"..

"Oh goodness, poor Ray, what hospital are you both in?"..

"Charing Cross"

"Oh!! How convenient!! So am I. What ward? I will just pop up"...

strangely my message was not answered and when I tried calling the phone was switched off :)

[jennysub]

I don't think that is a trait that is gender specific- !

TDH


One trait that is gender specific is blokes pretending to be female.

We used to have an old saying...

"welcome to the internet where Men are Men..... and so are the women"

Joking aside I know many women who whilst portraying as women will fantasise, just blokes seem to have the monopoly on gender bending

[jennysub]

Oh dear, we are prickly

most undomly

Jave you ever been in the real D/s world?

Jen







First, if you are going to quote me, please don't take what I have said out of context, and then try to apply it to what you want to say!

Second,I strongly disagree that "gender bending" is a male peculiarity(I mean that in the correct sense of the word). It is more apparent on a site like this, because a significantly larger proportion of the members are men. But there are a lot of women( mainly lesbian) who delight in looking as masculine as possible, and who take great offence if referred to as "she".

The Demon Headmaster

[loveitotk]

yea covspank you need to stop bitching like you always, do and just do what we are suposedly all here 2 do. stop trolling covspank.

[loveitotk]

lol you think your funny dont you. ur not original "I await a response with great eagerness" aka sad fuck. you are a hypocrat you fucking troller. you are probably a sad lonely old man that goes on the internet to pick up on spelling errors. just because you speak of the dictionary does not meen you're clever. and i put comma in the wrong place big wow you sad old bastard grow up

I await a response with great eagerness lol there u go i gave you want u want. yea im obviously an immigrant lol

[anarchistic_masochist]

Well, Westey, doesn't reading this, just make you despair about the state of British education? Even given the obvious fact that "loveitotk" has the brain of a gnat, and an IQ lower than his shoe size, I ask myself how it can be, that a boy of 19, who must have gone through at least 11 years of compulsory education, can come out the other end as such a pig-ignorant, illiterate cretin! The one thing that he says that we can most definitely refute is his claim to be an immigrant. Nobody coming from another country would speak to an adult, old enough to be his father,in such a rude and disrespectful way. Only a pure 100% British yob could produce the sort of foul-mouthed abuse evidenced in his posting! Like him, Westey, I look forward to your reply!

The Demon Headmaster

Hear, hear! I have a friend in her early twenties, who went to University, not even knowing the basics of English grammar. The whole year had to be taught extra classes in order to plug the void left by British state education. Unbelievable!

And loveitotk, you did more than "put a comma in the wrong place," you silly oik! Capital letters and full stops would be a good start. Would you be quite so brave if you were faced with the likes of Covspank or Westy weilding a dragon cane or a Scottish strap? I think not son! No, it's far easier to hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen - how terribly macho of you(!)

Q. What's the difference between a book and lovesitotk?
A. A book has got a spine.

Cherry

[anarchistic_masochist]

Yes Sir, I read that account - it was particularly vivid if I recall. Someone needs to give him a hiding. If I wasn't constantly on the wrong end of a cane, I'd do it myself! *chuckles*

Cherry x




Loveitotk accuses me of not doing any spanking! Might I suggest that he look at the Experiences forum, which is littered with the accounts of those who have been spanked by me. I even offered to spank him back in February- we exchanged two PM's and then guess what- the silence of the Timewaster descended! I've looked at his profile, and can only find 6 postings- two of them are insults directed at me! Strangely, I can find no evidence to show that he's ever been anywhere near a spanking. Perhaps, instead of giving me the benefit of his advice, he ought to follow it himself. My study door is always open. I suggest that before he comes he reads raden 67's posting "Demon Headmaster punishes an impertinent boy" to learn of the fate that will await him! ( There are pictures as well, as I guess, from the standards of literacy evidenced in his writing, that he may not be too good at reading either!)

The Demon Headmaster

[Chiefwhip]

I entirely agree as, especially being a newcomer to the site, I too find it frustrating when it's either difficult or impossible to determine the gender and sexual orientation of a member.
Because applications for membership have to be authorised, I suggest that the administrator should refuse membership to anybody failing to make their gender obvious in their user name and or profile.
Uncle David


Only just today I had to go to a Members Profiles to find out if two members - with decided 'Female' user names, where actually female - as it was they were a T-Girl and a TV. Very frustrating!!!!

[jennyTv]

Second,I strongly disagree that "gender bending" is a male peculiarity(I mean that in the correct sense of the word). It is more apparent on a site like this, because a significantly larger proportion of the members are men. But there are a lot of women( mainly lesbian) who delight in looking as masculine as possible, and who take great offence if referred to as "she".

The Demon Headmaster

Perhaps you ought rename yourself "THE P.C. Headmaster" :)

[anarchistic_masochist]

My goodness! Cyber-bully! Troller! Now Politically Correct! The last one is just an insult too far! You'll be hearing from my solicitors!

The definitely un P.C. Demon Headmaster

*shakes head* I don't know...someone touches a nerve and then you go running to the solicitors. It's the grown-up version of dashing home to Mummy because someone at school called you a nasty name! Talk about thin-skinned! :D

Cherry x

[anarchistic_masochist]

There was a time when a Sub knew her place! You have clearly forgotten yours. I have just read your posting "Cherry's cheek is kept in check". It would appear that Mikeinkent did not do a very good job!

The Demon Headmaster

I'm sorry Sir, but you did leave yourself wide open for that one! I couldn't resist! I was only pulling your leg, I meant no disrespect Sir...honest!

[loveitotk]

lol soliciter cov spank you are funny. there you go people i put a full stop in, why does it matter if i have'nt correctly punctuated my posts. We are chatting on a forum grow up (not specifically aimed at you cov).

[anarchistic_masochist]

lol soliciter cov spank you are funny. there you go people i put a full stop in, why does it matter if i have'nt correctly punctuated my posts. We are chatting on a forum grow up (not specifically aimed at you cov).

You think you're so clever, don't you?! I've usually got patience of a saint, but you are really starting to get on my nerves! "There...I've put a full stop in!" - you tit! Don't you realise, that no matter how erudite, witty or relevant your posts are, a lack of grammar, flair and yes, punctuation will only serve to highlight your already blatant stupidity? You are totally incapable of constructing a cohesive, logical argument as you do not back up what you say, preferring instead to lambaste Cov for his “apparent” lack of maturity. But then again, how can one justify laziness, ignorance and stupidity? I appreciate the fact that this is a forum, therefore an informal setting; no one is expecting anyone else to bash out their posts in iambic pentameter. But there is absolutely no excuse (unless you’re severely dyslexic) for your frankly shocking illiteracy!

Cherry

[anarchistic_masochist]

Who are you accusing of an "apparent lack of maturity"? I think if you trace the thread back, it's you that Lovey is having a go at!
TDH

I beg your pardon, Sir, I thought he was having a pop at you, telling you you "grow up!" As if I would accuse you of anything! As cheeky as I am, I don't have a death wish!!

I've retraced the thread and yes, I can now see how he's attacking me. He knows he hasn't got a prayer trying to get one over on you, so now he's going for what he perceives to be an easy target! And he doesn't even have the balls to say it to me directly! What a coward!

Oh, and what's that word for when someone picks on someone else that is (or is perceived to be) weaker than them? Oh! That's it! A bully! He's hiding behind technology too, so that makes him a cyber-bully! (And bullies are cowardly by their very nature.) How ironic! And his posts are designed specifically to provoke a negative emotional response by winding people up. That also makes him, guess what? A troll!

It's time to treat this little twit with the contempt he deserves...

*Cherry hammers a notice onto the wall of the forum that reads:


DO NOT FEED THE TROLL


Take that, you little oik! Unlike you, I'll make it clear who I'm addressing!

Grrr!!!!

Cherry

[guymark]

A reasoned point well made Jenny.

I quite like the compromise that seems to be on here at the moment where people can make an entry in the "experiences" forum. If members are encouraged to mention the positives and perhaps just "move on" from the negs, then it still works as a feedback system - but gives everyone "an even hand" to begin with - and those who keep their meetings get positive feedback.

I think the only part I would query would be how many folks would stop short of the "post to admin" on the basis it would somehow be more "sneaky" than just saying "this person is a timewaster" in public.

Perhaps, a little like the "reputation" system we use to "mark posts", a way to just award a person a positive or negative tick for "integrity/reliability" could be made. If a user could only be "marked" by someone the once, it greatly limits the chance of abuse - you either give them a yay - or a nay - nowt more to do. If folks end up with a minus score, it might suggest a minimum time investment - someone with a high number is perhaps likely to be there when they say they will - so IS worth putting some time in "getting to know them".

Mark




The problem wth naming and shaming is it is so open to abuse. D talks to s, s decides D is not for them and says so, D gets all upset and calls s a timewaster etc, or petty feuds of the past emerge as slagging off contests in the name and shame section. The other thing is what constitutes timewasting? I myself have been accused of being a timewaster because I had the effrontery to exchange 4 or 5 messages with someone only to then decide they were not for me and said no thank you.

If it happens in the forum where I am a mod anyone criticizing another in a name/shame capacity has the post removed, second time has themselves removed and banned from the forum.

Naming and shaming has been tried about everywhere and has always fallen foul of just who says what or agreed what,

If anyone has reason to complain about another member then we encourage a report to admin, if a picture emerges, the claim is substantiated, then we just remove the persistent ofender from the site and block the ISP. However in my experience that has happened rarely.

[anarchistic_masochist]

Well said to you both.
NOw stop wasting time and get on with it.

Ooh Sir, I love it when you get all bossy!!! *giggles*

Cherry \m/:D\m/

[borocub]

well i had a good session on thuresday night with yanspankee and wilbur. You can read my post about the session in expreances.