ChilternPete
05-12-2006, 03:22 PM
Information exchange
I believe this is the secret to meeting your spanking partner, because for obvious reasons you need to persuade them that you are the one who will meet their requirements!
How on earth are you going to do that while lurking in the background, or if your only method of communication is “I want to spank you” hardly designed to make an impression.
To my mind you have to listen more than talk and as a Top be prepared to take a long view about chatting with people. Lets be clear, it’s a very big step for most and they certainly do not need additional pressure coming from the person they thought might be the one to take this further.
There was a very interesting discussion on one of the groups I belong to, about how much information should be given and there were some differences of opinion here, but again for me, as much as possible and honest all the way. How can you be trusted with someone if you are prepared to lie?
From the other side of the equation, I always suggest that a list of your questions, limits, and ideas is a very helpful start point and again frankness behind the anonymous nature of the internet is to be recommended. If sex is not part of the deal, say so at this point, for many it is not you need to let them know now.
A more contentious thought is that in my opinion at this stage the bottom is in charge, maybe not later, but now certainly, they should drive the agenda, the timing and feel comfortable with whoever they are discussing this with.
At both ends of this I would suggest that a failure to communicate means that a bottom is not serious about pursuing this into reality and on the other side that a Top is not interested in the needs/fantasies of the other party,
I believe this is the secret to meeting your spanking partner, because for obvious reasons you need to persuade them that you are the one who will meet their requirements!
How on earth are you going to do that while lurking in the background, or if your only method of communication is “I want to spank you” hardly designed to make an impression.
To my mind you have to listen more than talk and as a Top be prepared to take a long view about chatting with people. Lets be clear, it’s a very big step for most and they certainly do not need additional pressure coming from the person they thought might be the one to take this further.
There was a very interesting discussion on one of the groups I belong to, about how much information should be given and there were some differences of opinion here, but again for me, as much as possible and honest all the way. How can you be trusted with someone if you are prepared to lie?
From the other side of the equation, I always suggest that a list of your questions, limits, and ideas is a very helpful start point and again frankness behind the anonymous nature of the internet is to be recommended. If sex is not part of the deal, say so at this point, for many it is not you need to let them know now.
A more contentious thought is that in my opinion at this stage the bottom is in charge, maybe not later, but now certainly, they should drive the agenda, the timing and feel comfortable with whoever they are discussing this with.
At both ends of this I would suggest that a failure to communicate means that a bottom is not serious about pursuing this into reality and on the other side that a Top is not interested in the needs/fantasies of the other party,