A few notes for nervous newbies!

Starting out

First steps

Well here you are, so well done, you have acknowledged that within you there is something different, a need for something more, and more importantly you have taken the decision to explore the possibilties.

If this is your first venture into thist you may have been surprised, as I was, by the numbers of people expressing interest, but you need to be aware that as in most things in life, not everything or everyone should be taken at face value.

A constant theme in these notes will be communication, a failure to communicate leads to problems all round. You can help a lot by thinking for a while about what you seek, and clearly stating this in your own way.

Spanking and/or BDSM

I watch with a smile as people try to put others in categories, I regard spanking as part of the overall BDSM scene, but there is no reason why it should progress, simply that quite a few move that way.

The fact that you interested in Spanking does not mean that you might want to be bound with clamps on all your important little places, it equally does not mean that you will not end up experimenting. This is like a “pick and mix” sweet counter, try some and see.

Know yourself

I know trite in the extreme, but what I am really saying here, is be aware of your own mind, come to the discussion with at least an outline of what you want.

Be honest with people from the start. My profile says that I am married with a vanilla (not into spanking or BDSM) wife, which will reduce the responses I get, but the ladies know the situation and this in turn shows that I am not likely to mislead them on something else.

Many overreach themselves, such as Tops (those who spank or otherwise deliver) who try to cane someone without having any idea what they are doing, or the bottom (think you can guess that one!) who wants a “a good thrashing”. Whose idea of a good thrashing is that, mine or yours? Simply asking for trouble.

Start gently and build up, so even if deep within, you want to be at the Tops mercy, without control and reduced to tears, you have the chance to say enough. There are many ways of getting there, to hurry often means disappointment.

Do you want to be treated and dress as a “naughty schoolchild”, or the maid and Master, relax and talk; a good potential partner will take the time to communicate.

Limits

Really should be placed in the above section, but here lies the seat of most problems for most “newbies” (common phrase to describe all newcomers). What will you do or not do? Is sex part of the scene for you, or not? For many bottoms it is not, but the Top is not a mind reader.

Safe words or safety systems are commonplace and help can be found by simply posting to any group or chatting with more experienced folk. These are in place to safeguard all parties and should be used for all newbies. If a potential partner does not raise the subject, you need to, and maybe ask why they did not.

Initial contact

Let us be frank, this is a lot easier for the ladies, just as the safety issues tend to be harder. Not being sexist (well ok a bit) simply being upfront on how I feel about this.

Talk online at a Group, respond to subjects ask questions, people will respond and you can relax behind the safety that the internet gives, until you are happy to move forwards.

When this moves to individual contact and a possible friend, then you need to communicate clearly what you expect and hear from them likewise. Reluctance to communicate concerns me; I believe it should concern you too, irrespective of your keen anticipation.

Mobile telephones have helped, but at some point you will need to take the big step of actually meeting someone.

Meeting

Even for coffee, this is a nervous time, and for both parties you might be surprised to hear.

I have used supermarket cafeteria’s, motorway services and town centre coffee shops, all of which work. I have to say the supermarket seems to offer the most privacy, strange though it might seem.

Some have friends along to keep them company, others arrange for contact at a prearranged time, you can work out what reassures you. Any Top will be happy to fit in with your needs in this, if not, why not?

Have the questions in your mind, face to face is easier, you can judge the response and also probably smile at the thought that Sean Connery really looks a lot like Homer Simpson!

Playtime

It takes time to get to this point and all can be ruined in a few seconds, so think about what was discussed and if you are the Top, slowly does it. Respect those limits and get to know your partner at your leisure.

Allow plenty of time, why hurry a good thing?

As you can see I have not said much about what will happen, because you will have discussed this with your potential partner and believe me every girl I have met has had different needs/fantasies, so there are no set rules.

Switching

A term used for those who like to give and receive, the best of both
worlds for some.

This might appeal but the same words of warning apply, communicate.

TG’s TV’s

Not that I am an expert but trans-gendered members and transvestite’s seem to enjoy the scene a lot, so if you do not want the most awkward of cross wire’s, we are back to the constant theme.

Some of the most helpful online people in my experience.

Paid Sites

Nothing ever comes for free!

Well maybe, but yahoo groups have been far more productive than any of the paid sites for me personally.

Advertising

Well I would, of course be happy to chat with any UK female or couples who get to read this, sorry lads just not my thing! Some comments alongside my description might give some idea of what to expect in general. My thoughts on me!

An experienced Top (Usually older) Myself 56

Mature (definitely older)

Sense of humour (would love to have a chuckle at you standing in the corner with your knickers around your knees!)

Discreet (Married)

Patient (Will not put you under pressure, because he knows that his way has a greater chance of success.)

Questions, well ask I only bite now and then

chilternpete@yahoo.co.uk

http://spankingman.bravehost.com/

Peter

ÓPW 2006