Safe word or not?

[happygolucky]

That is the question. Do you use a safe word or not? I have always found that if the top is sufficiently sensitive then one wouldn't be needed -they would read the signals and turn the heat down or up accordingly and, after all the best safe word is 'STOP' so who needs an agreed word. But what does everyone else do?

[ChilternPete]

As a matter of course I always use a safe word and/or traffic lights with a new lady, saves misunderstandings and ruining everything for all concerned.

After a while though it tends to be totally in the background as the people concerned get used to each other, their ways, limits and needs.

[Bottomspanker4u]

"Stop!" In the right tone of voice so you can tell she really really means it is all I've ever found necessary. And of course experience and sensitivity, not to mention a caring approach are prereqquisites - in my view anyway.

[avenger40]

Whilst the spanker and spankee are getting to know each other the traffic light systemme works well. If the spankee says 'amber' one knows the limits are close to being reached. 'Red' means stop now I really have had enough. A sensitive and caring spanker ought never to need to hear the word' red' in my opinion. However, the use of safe words does increase the opportunity for pleasure as both spanker and spankee know there is, if necessary, a safety net.

[uk_knight]

I would agree with the general comments about safe words when playing with someone new.

Whilst an experienced Top/Dom etc should be able to read the bottom in his hands people are different; some makes lots of noise but aren't anywhere near where they would want to stop however others are stoic and still and you can't be sure if they need harder to make an impression. Those are also the ones (IMO) that are least likely to use a safe word even if they need it.

Once a couple know each other and have built up trust then it's good not to have a safe word. It allows a bottom to relax into a role of submission to the top, accepting what they decide to give as necessary.

The other time a safe word can be useful even with an experienced couple is when a sub wants to find out where their limits are.

UKK

Southern UK spanking and BDSM group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SUKSBDSM/)

[Nai]

Perhaps as important as a safe word is a Top who can build you up gradually. Testing you just ever so slightly but knowing when to call it a day and recgonising that some days your limits for whatever reason are lower. This I have found particularly so with the cane more so than otk spanking.

[Hector]

I think a safe word is absolutely essential with anyone you are not familiar with.

Spanking and paddling/caning women who agree to the act but whom you have no previous experience with means you do not know what their reaction will be, or how they will cope so a safe word is essential, if only so you don't unduly hurt them and ruin the scene. However the word "stop" is one I never use as it is too easy for the bottom to come up with. It has to be a word the person rarely if ever would associate with cp - such as "dinner-time" - which then signifies the bottom has had to think about the fact they really do want to stop and not just that the last contact was a touch on the hard side but still bearable. You'd be amazed how often a bottom will ask you to stop because that is the word that comes to mind and not because that is really what they want to do!

[welted]

Personally, I prefer to use the safeword "mercy" as it stays within the context of a session. If receiving Judicial Corporal Punishment (JCP) , then no safeword can be used, though the number of strokes to be given is agreed beforehand.

I like the element of danger that exists if you don't have a safeword, but don't yet feel ready for JCP. I find a nice compromise is to agree in advance that an additional punishment (decided by the domme) will be delivered as a "finale" after the safeword has been used.

[Rapunzelmiss]

I use a safe word always - but generally have found that people I play with are sensitive enough that I never need to use it. However, I think I feel more secure having one!

I also use 'traffic lights' sometimes, to show I'm enjoying something and don't want to stop but want the intensity to level off a bit!

[birchmenow]

during session i very often beg top to ignore my limits & for me trhis is fantastic as i then feel that top is in complete control for at least 20 strokes & maybe more as its at this point the pain becomes sheer pleasure for me, am i different or do other guys get this beautiful feeling